Wednesday, March 2, 2011

TAD's Greatest Hits

It's always bothered me that the blog, (unlike the book), goes in reverse chronological order, so I thought I'd make a (probably final) post of greatest hits:

2 years old

Can I Have a Bite? Of You?

The Brief: I want you to draw me a crocodile!
The Critique: No! Don't eat me!
Job Status: Rejected

Dinosaur Bath

The Brief: I want you to draw me a dinosaur! Not a scary one! He's taking a bath.
The Critique: I don't like him.
Job Status: Rejected

CH and Dinosaur Mouth

The Brief: CH and a mouth
The Critique: NO!!!! CH and a mouth!!!
Job Status: Rejected
Additional Comments: I hate the mouth and the teeth.

Baby Dinosaur Eating an Orange

The Brief: A Scary Baby Dinosaur
The Critique: No! You color him some more! Can I put makeup on him?
Job Status: Rejected
Additional Comments: Stop Drawing! Stop Drawing!

Bone Dinosaur Eating a Baby

The Brief: A bone dinosaur eating a little baby
The Critique: No! A baby dinosaur!
Job Status: Rejected
Additional Comments: He's just going to be nice to that baby he's got in his mouth

Poo-Poo Airplane

The Brief: A dinosaur eating a baby, like last time
Artist Negotiation: But you didn't like it. How about something other than a dinosaur?
The Brief, Revised: a Poo-Poo Airplane
Job Status: Commission Declined

Duck Biting Dinosaur

The Brief: A dinosaur eating a baby, like last time
Artist Negotiation: How about something other than a dinosaur?
The Brief, Revised: A duck. A duck biting a dinosaur's tail.
The Critique: I want a goat and a piggie
Job Status: Rejected

Kangaroo and Giraffe

The Brief: A giraffe and a kangaroo fighting over an apple
The Critique: Where's the dinosaur?! Draw me a dinosaur right now Daddy!
Job Status: Rejected
Artists Comments: After completing the project I documented the two year old art director's instructions and reaction. She took offense at this and tried to erase my notes.
When I took away my eraser, she yelled "I don't like your notes!", and scribbled all over them with my pencil. She then ran to the bathroom and ran water over the piece of paper. "Look at them now Daddy!"

3 years old

Poo-Poo Airplane - by repeated request

The Brief: Can you just paint one poo-poo in a frame? The poo-poo is an airplane.
The Critique: Good. I want a treat.
Job Status: Approved


The Brief: Crocodiles
Preliminary Sketch (no longer extant): Upon seeing the preliminary sketch, the art director, in a rather unprofessional outburst, collapsed on the floor sobbing and screaming.
The Critique: The back is so so so bad I don't even want to look at it! You always do that to the crocodile's back!
Job Status: Rejected and Destroyed

Finished Version (above):
The Critique: Good. The big one is me. You can be the little one.
Job Status: Approved

A Dinosaur Chasing Us

The Brief: A dinosaur chasing us
The Critique: Where's us? Draw us on the picture! I'm going to fix him the way I like him. This is how I don't like him. Please, please erase him! Erase him now!
Job Status: Rejected
Additional Comments: Get those claws out of here!
Artist Statement: The Tiny Art Director hates this more than anything I've ever done for her, with the possible exception of the crocodiles from the other day.

Ugly Eyeballs

The Brief: A dinosaur, not too scary
The Critique: He's a ugly one! I hate those kind of dinosaurs! Where's your eraser?
Job Status: Rejected
Additional Comments: [hits page] He has ugly eyeballs.

Stupid Ugly Angry Monkey. I Hate Him

The Brief: A Monkey
The Critique: Stupid ugly angry monkey. I hate him.
Job Status: Rejected
Additional Comments: His tummy and his belly button and his eyebrows and his hands and his feet. And his head too.


The Brief: A dinosaur eating a R and an O and an S and a I and a E
The Critique: That's not what I want. That's a Brachiosaurus. I want a T Rex. He's supposed to have the other letters in his mouth too. See look! He's only eating that one. What letter is that?
Job Status: Rejected

4 years old

X-Ray T-Rex

The Brief: A dinosaur in a X-Ray
The Critique: I just want to see a little mousey in his tummy
Job Status: Approved (after addition of mousey)
Additional Comments: That's what kind of bones dogs like to chew on. Dinosaur leg bones.

Collaboration: T-Rex, Superdog and Girl

The Brief: I'll show you. I'll draw it and you copy [fig. 1]. It's a T-Rex trying to eat a girl.
The Critique (on sketch, after TAD's, no longer extant): I hate that girl. You erase her and I'll draw her as I like her. I want her to be brave. She's not scared of one thing cause that's me and I'm not scared.
The Critique (on sketch, improved by Art Director [fig. 2]): I think my drawing's a little bit better than yours.
Comments on collaborative painting, above: That's my bag, and that's a puppy in it. I'm not noticing the dinosaur, but the superdog [note the 3 eyes] knows what to do. She bites it on the neck and kicks it into a lava pool -- that's the volcano.
Job Status: Approved

Dragon and Princess

The Brief: I want you to draw a dragon eating a girl.
The Negotiation: How about if they're actually friends?
The Critique: No, he has to have that girl is his mouth. He's not supposed to be a nice dragon. He's supposed to be a bad dragon. I want to see that girl's head pointing out of that dragon.
Job Status: Rejected
Additional Comments: He has to be biting and squishing it.