Wednesday, March 2, 2011

TAD's Greatest Hits

It's always bothered me that the blog, (unlike the book), goes in reverse chronological order, so I thought I'd make a (probably final) post of greatest hits:

2 years old

Can I Have a Bite? Of You?

The Brief: I want you to draw me a crocodile!
The Critique: No! Don't eat me!
Job Status: Rejected

Dinosaur Bath

The Brief: I want you to draw me a dinosaur! Not a scary one! He's taking a bath.
The Critique: I don't like him.
Job Status: Rejected

CH and Dinosaur Mouth

The Brief: CH and a mouth
The Critique: NO!!!! CH and a mouth!!!
Job Status: Rejected
Additional Comments: I hate the mouth and the teeth.

Baby Dinosaur Eating an Orange

The Brief: A Scary Baby Dinosaur
The Critique: No! You color him some more! Can I put makeup on him?
Job Status: Rejected
Additional Comments: Stop Drawing! Stop Drawing!

Bone Dinosaur Eating a Baby

The Brief: A bone dinosaur eating a little baby
The Critique: No! A baby dinosaur!
Job Status: Rejected
Additional Comments: He's just going to be nice to that baby he's got in his mouth

Poo-Poo Airplane

The Brief: A dinosaur eating a baby, like last time
Artist Negotiation: But you didn't like it. How about something other than a dinosaur?
The Brief, Revised: a Poo-Poo Airplane
Job Status: Commission Declined

Duck Biting Dinosaur

The Brief: A dinosaur eating a baby, like last time
Artist Negotiation: How about something other than a dinosaur?
The Brief, Revised: A duck. A duck biting a dinosaur's tail.
The Critique: I want a goat and a piggie
Job Status: Rejected

Kangaroo and Giraffe

The Brief: A giraffe and a kangaroo fighting over an apple
The Critique: Where's the dinosaur?! Draw me a dinosaur right now Daddy!
Job Status: Rejected
Artists Comments: After completing the project I documented the two year old art director's instructions and reaction. She took offense at this and tried to erase my notes.
When I took away my eraser, she yelled "I don't like your notes!", and scribbled all over them with my pencil. She then ran to the bathroom and ran water over the piece of paper. "Look at them now Daddy!"

3 years old

Poo-Poo Airplane - by repeated request

The Brief: Can you just paint one poo-poo in a frame? The poo-poo is an airplane.
The Critique: Good. I want a treat.
Job Status: Approved


The Brief: Crocodiles
Preliminary Sketch (no longer extant): Upon seeing the preliminary sketch, the art director, in a rather unprofessional outburst, collapsed on the floor sobbing and screaming.
The Critique: The back is so so so bad I don't even want to look at it! You always do that to the crocodile's back!
Job Status: Rejected and Destroyed

Finished Version (above):
The Critique: Good. The big one is me. You can be the little one.
Job Status: Approved

A Dinosaur Chasing Us

The Brief: A dinosaur chasing us
The Critique: Where's us? Draw us on the picture! I'm going to fix him the way I like him. This is how I don't like him. Please, please erase him! Erase him now!
Job Status: Rejected
Additional Comments: Get those claws out of here!
Artist Statement: The Tiny Art Director hates this more than anything I've ever done for her, with the possible exception of the crocodiles from the other day.

Ugly Eyeballs

The Brief: A dinosaur, not too scary
The Critique: He's a ugly one! I hate those kind of dinosaurs! Where's your eraser?
Job Status: Rejected
Additional Comments: [hits page] He has ugly eyeballs.

Stupid Ugly Angry Monkey. I Hate Him

The Brief: A Monkey
The Critique: Stupid ugly angry monkey. I hate him.
Job Status: Rejected
Additional Comments: His tummy and his belly button and his eyebrows and his hands and his feet. And his head too.


The Brief: A dinosaur eating a R and an O and an S and a I and a E
The Critique: That's not what I want. That's a Brachiosaurus. I want a T Rex. He's supposed to have the other letters in his mouth too. See look! He's only eating that one. What letter is that?
Job Status: Rejected

4 years old

X-Ray T-Rex

The Brief: A dinosaur in a X-Ray
The Critique: I just want to see a little mousey in his tummy
Job Status: Approved (after addition of mousey)
Additional Comments: That's what kind of bones dogs like to chew on. Dinosaur leg bones.

Collaboration: T-Rex, Superdog and Girl

The Brief: I'll show you. I'll draw it and you copy [fig. 1]. It's a T-Rex trying to eat a girl.
The Critique (on sketch, after TAD's, no longer extant): I hate that girl. You erase her and I'll draw her as I like her. I want her to be brave. She's not scared of one thing cause that's me and I'm not scared.
The Critique (on sketch, improved by Art Director [fig. 2]): I think my drawing's a little bit better than yours.
Comments on collaborative painting, above: That's my bag, and that's a puppy in it. I'm not noticing the dinosaur, but the superdog [note the 3 eyes] knows what to do. She bites it on the neck and kicks it into a lava pool -- that's the volcano.
Job Status: Approved

Dragon and Princess

The Brief: I want you to draw a dragon eating a girl.
The Negotiation: How about if they're actually friends?
The Critique: No, he has to have that girl is his mouth. He's not supposed to be a nice dragon. He's supposed to be a bad dragon. I want to see that girl's head pointing out of that dragon.
Job Status: Rejected
Additional Comments: He has to be biting and squishing it.


Lin said...

In or out of order, these crack me up. Wishing your family the best. Thank you for sharing.

Anonymous said...

Love it. You are a patient man.

JureF said...

Love all of the posts! Good luck to you and your family :)

existentialcowgirl said...

Thanks for the fun book! I have to confess, I got it for a DOLLAR when our local Borders store closed, but I'd have paid full price. I enjoyed it, then gave it to a friend as a gift, and she loved it. It's the perfect gift for anyone who has ever dealt with a demanding creative visionary. (Most of them aren't as adorable, though.) Keep doing fun stuff!

Art said...

it is curious ...
"Duck Biting Dinosaur"

Betsy B. Honest said...

Oh it's been a while since I've visited here, and I appreciate the very good laughs.

I've just tucked in my 5-year old daughter with her favourite Corythosaurus after being shrieked at ever so much for doing pretty much everything wrong (long day at Science World) and I feel like I've let go of ever so much tension laughing at HER here.

Humour is such an essential tool in a parent's toolkit for maintaing partial sanity.

Also, I like the poo poo airplane. It makes the word "levity" spring to mind.

emma said...

I haven't visited for... erm... a few years, but I'm soooo pleased to see you are still around, and published, and that Tiny still hates your work as much as ever. How you can make the same joke over 1000 times and it still be funny? It's genius. And then genius again because it's secretly all a portfolio. Brilliant!

soulyluna said...

Best post yet! Please don't leave us though. We can take 'Out of Order'

Tara Fuselli said...

Wonderful! I smile, laugh, tears falling...The innocent yet unbridled minds of children astound me and you capture it so well here...little treasures. Not to mention the talent behind the art, TAD's opinions aside. ;)

sewa minibus said...

Very nice, thanks for sharing.

Plato Kasserman said...

Hey! I was delighted to find your book on sale at our nearly defunct Border's bookstore. We love it. Is there a place now where TAD posts her own art? Maybe this blog will inspire our own little artists (ages 3 and 5).

Jenny said...

I love this work, it' soo funny. Check out my work at Tiny Drawings

Mary, We Heart Vintage said...

I love your blog and have enjoyed following you for a year or so now. I've nominated you for a versatile blogger award - hope you like it!

Rebecca =) said...

THis is priceless! Thank you for sharing. My personal favorite is the dragon *not* eating the princess. Second favorite? The dinosaur chasing us! I love it!

Thanks for making me smile!
Rebecca =)

mummypig said...

Ah... the poo poo aeroplane. I'd forgotten about that :)

I remember the dinosaur phase too and in fact, my eldest (now 4) started to go through that at 18 months, which is when we first discovered your blog. She therefore fell in love with it instantly!

I am now wondering if the dinosaur phase will ever expire, as my youngest (now 2) is keeping it going.

How many times can strangers be met at the door by 2 young children just yelling "Raaarrrrr!!" at them, before our house is blacklisted?

Please keep up the fantastic work. I'm looking forward to seeing how TAD's requests for work change as she goes through the school years :)

Paula Lewis said...

I feel really nice reading these articles I mean there are writers that can write good material.
hilarious facebook status

Connor Salisbury said...

Very funny - best to you and your family :-)

anabolionio said...

WOW. I like it sooooo much. Great work!

Bill Z said...